Scratch My Butt, Right There: Imagining How My Dogs Think

MALE DOG: Yaaawwnnn…stretch it out…oh yeah, scratch my butt, right there. 

Hey Human, it’s time to go outside! Let’s go! My Human is not moving. I see…oh well, what to do? What to do?  What was that? Oh, never mind, it’s just a…what’s that? Smells like those black and white blobs on the street…oh goodie, it’s the thing right there outside the window, making a coo coo. Maybe if I’m real quiet, I can sneak up on it. It’s so delicious looking! It must be dangerous. Why do its legs look skinny like that and how does it stay up in the air?

Here…we…go…shh…AAAH!! Oh no, my Human is moving. She is mad! She always yells at me when I go after donttouchthebird. Doesn’t she know I’m just keeping us safe?
Well now I’m hungry. Trot trot trot to the food bowl…yes, a handful of dry, crunchy stuff. Chomp chomp chomp. The taste isn’t bad, but dry!  My Human is cool, though, she puts some stuff, lap lap lap, in it to soften it up.
Alright! She is up! I gotta pee! Let’s go outside! Out! Out! Out! Come onnnn, let’s go!

“Sit, Ragazzo.”

Look at me, I am sitting. Look at me, I am sitting. Put the leash on, put it on!!  Okay, I can tell by your finger wagging that I am going to have to really contain my excitement.  Let me think about something really boring.  Sleeping.  I love to sleep, but it’s not very exciting (put my leash on).  Except (put my leash on) when I dream about (put my leash on) CHASING don’ttouchthebird!… which I can do now because my leash is on! 
I’m off!
FEMALE DOG: I love sunshine. Today I was relaxing in my favorite spot

behind the couch, secluded and bathed in sunlight. Who comes along but that littleone wanting to play again!  Won’t he ever stop? He was biting my leg and lunging at me, all while I was trying to rest. Well you know all that instigating really got me riled! I showed him who’s boss around here! Got him so tired, he had to go get lap lap lap. What a pup…

After putting him in his place, I decided it was time for belly scratches. I searched all over for my Human. Those hands…those wonderful hands that smell so different every time she pets me. So salty, yum yum. Once I found my Human, she wasn’t really paying attention to me, so I nudged her hands a little until she looked my way. Hey!  Look at me!  
My Human is simpleminded. All I’ve got to do is paw at her or pant a little and I can usually get my way. I let her think she is in charge—after all, she is my ticket to the outside—but the rest of us know who’s Top Dog around here.
Sometimes they lock me up when they leave, but I have none of it! Lock me up like my rambunctious male counterpart, I think not! I am more sophisticated than he.  Sometimes I run away for a little just to scare them! The other week I clawed through the screen on an open window and ran out when no one was home.
I always come back, of course. They give me extra pats and treats if they think they could have lost me.

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